tie down the sails tonight
we're going downtown
The dust has settled. I'm sorry for my absence but I couldn't wrap my mind around life. Too much was happening for me to write clear sentences that would represent the past few weeks.
And even now, with a little booze flowing through my cold veins, my thoughts are muddled and confused.
Where to start?
It began back in September when O finalized the reservations for flight UA 9702 from Nagoya to Fukuoka on December 22, 2006 arriving at 8:30pm, Terminal 2.
Four months of waiting and dreaming of what that moment would be like.
The thing about planning is that usually your plans are invalid 5 seconds in.
After a long nervous day, arranging and rearranging the items in my apartment, I went to the airport to greet O at the gate of Terminal 2. I knew her flight number by heart so I was a bit concerned when I looked to the television montiors and didn't see any flights by United. I saw a group of people walking down the terminal and through a sea of black hair I picked out some blond streaks dancing through the crowd. My heart plummeted as it got closer and I realized that it wasn't O at all. I was in the wrong terminal, looking at the wrong crowd of people. She was in a different part of the airport waiting impatiently for me to come carry her bags home.
After 6 months her face was that of a stranger when I first saw her. I remembered the familiar characteristics, the dimples and the peach fuzz on the edges of her mouth, but it took time to remember that this was the body of person that I had held so close before I left in August.
The romance was hard to ignore.
I can't continue writing.
With O so far away.
My heater is on, trying to keep the chill of January away. It doesn't feel right to be writing down these thoughts. What words can describe the feelings of the last few weeks?
I haven't been communicating my relationship very well through this little blog. It has become harder than ever to express what I feel to an audience I don't connect with much anymore. Who is really reading this? Who's reading it and why do you want to know about O and I?
It hurts to write. It hurts to write because the truth comes out when my fingers touch the keyboard. I don't want to face the truth that I will sleep alone in my cold little bed tonight. And tomorrow.
I don't want to face what I have before me. Can I live in the past, the past 2 weeks, when things were easy and I didn't need an alarm clock, when I had someone to reach out to in the morning.
Now I'm back to cold bike rides through the winter, wishing for surf, drinking to keep my head calm, wearing a headset and taking calls at all hours of the night.
I had a plan that was built on thinking too long.
Look, here's a recap.
1) O came to Fukuoka for 16 days.
2) We had a car for the time and we drove all around Kyushu.
3) Jet lag sucks.
4) Eggs are better when someone else cooks them.
5) A kiwi has more vitamin C than an orange.
6) I miss my family around the holidays.
7) My hot tub rocks.
8) O takes better pictures than me, sometimes.
9) She left.
One day we will recognize ourselves for the way we really are.
And even now, with a little booze flowing through my cold veins, my thoughts are muddled and confused.
Where to start?
It began back in September when O finalized the reservations for flight UA 9702 from Nagoya to Fukuoka on December 22, 2006 arriving at 8:30pm, Terminal 2.
Four months of waiting and dreaming of what that moment would be like.
The thing about planning is that usually your plans are invalid 5 seconds in.
After a long nervous day, arranging and rearranging the items in my apartment, I went to the airport to greet O at the gate of Terminal 2. I knew her flight number by heart so I was a bit concerned when I looked to the television montiors and didn't see any flights by United. I saw a group of people walking down the terminal and through a sea of black hair I picked out some blond streaks dancing through the crowd. My heart plummeted as it got closer and I realized that it wasn't O at all. I was in the wrong terminal, looking at the wrong crowd of people. She was in a different part of the airport waiting impatiently for me to come carry her bags home.
After 6 months her face was that of a stranger when I first saw her. I remembered the familiar characteristics, the dimples and the peach fuzz on the edges of her mouth, but it took time to remember that this was the body of person that I had held so close before I left in August.
The romance was hard to ignore.
I can't continue writing.
With O so far away.
My heater is on, trying to keep the chill of January away. It doesn't feel right to be writing down these thoughts. What words can describe the feelings of the last few weeks?
I haven't been communicating my relationship very well through this little blog. It has become harder than ever to express what I feel to an audience I don't connect with much anymore. Who is really reading this? Who's reading it and why do you want to know about O and I?
It hurts to write. It hurts to write because the truth comes out when my fingers touch the keyboard. I don't want to face the truth that I will sleep alone in my cold little bed tonight. And tomorrow.
I don't want to face what I have before me. Can I live in the past, the past 2 weeks, when things were easy and I didn't need an alarm clock, when I had someone to reach out to in the morning.
Now I'm back to cold bike rides through the winter, wishing for surf, drinking to keep my head calm, wearing a headset and taking calls at all hours of the night.
I had a plan that was built on thinking too long.
Look, here's a recap.
1) O came to Fukuoka for 16 days.
2) We had a car for the time and we drove all around Kyushu.
3) Jet lag sucks.
4) Eggs are better when someone else cooks them.
5) A kiwi has more vitamin C than an orange.
6) I miss my family around the holidays.
7) My hot tub rocks.
8) O takes better pictures than me, sometimes.
9) She left.
One day we will recognize ourselves for the way we really are.
Devin thought this was worth your time
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