fire drill in a concrete building
I stumbled upon this card one day that simply read, 'your life is beautiful.' The image of it is in a folder on my computer and somehow made it onto my work computer as part of the screensaver.
Some days it is easy here. It feels like the OC. Clean, safe, anything you could ever want is at your convenience at the stores and malls located around the city. There's even a Costco here. Some days I work and smile and get things done. I can communicate with relative ease with the people that make sense back at home. I have my bike, and I am going to join a gym within the next few days. Hell, I even can listen to CNN (even though the picture is scrambled).
And some days it is hard. Some days the uneasiness creeps up behind me and startles me into a brief panic. Am I really here? Is this a situation that I enjoy? Can I handle the challenge that this job and this country puts in front of me. If I were somewhere else, if I had chosen a position somewhere else in the world, would I be happier?
During the day, my screensaver cycled to the aforementioned image and I happened to look up at that moment. I almost lost it. I have such a tenuous grasp on civility these days. After about a week of riding high I have come crashing down because I am tired.
I awoke somewhere around one in the morning and spent the rest of the night turning in my thoughts and restless in my bed. It set me off at the start of the day and so far it hasn't gotten much better. I am only 3 weeks into this.
The problem is that I don't have my little support structure that allows me to smooth through a minor inconvenience like a bad night and the long day that follows. Without the people I can turn to I am stuck in my own head and unable to get past it. I don't have the comfort that comes with arriving home to familiar faces and an easy routine of asking what to make for dinner and hearing only one word in response. As aggravating as that was, I could count on it. Like a song I've heard too many times, I know the beat and exactly when the tempo changes. I can follow something like that.
I need to learn this new song. I am impatient, but that is what comes with a situation that doesn't make sense.
riding west towards the good surfing beaches
Some days it is easy here. It feels like the OC. Clean, safe, anything you could ever want is at your convenience at the stores and malls located around the city. There's even a Costco here. Some days I work and smile and get things done. I can communicate with relative ease with the people that make sense back at home. I have my bike, and I am going to join a gym within the next few days. Hell, I even can listen to CNN (even though the picture is scrambled).
And some days it is hard. Some days the uneasiness creeps up behind me and startles me into a brief panic. Am I really here? Is this a situation that I enjoy? Can I handle the challenge that this job and this country puts in front of me. If I were somewhere else, if I had chosen a position somewhere else in the world, would I be happier?
During the day, my screensaver cycled to the aforementioned image and I happened to look up at that moment. I almost lost it. I have such a tenuous grasp on civility these days. After about a week of riding high I have come crashing down because I am tired.
I awoke somewhere around one in the morning and spent the rest of the night turning in my thoughts and restless in my bed. It set me off at the start of the day and so far it hasn't gotten much better. I am only 3 weeks into this.
The problem is that I don't have my little support structure that allows me to smooth through a minor inconvenience like a bad night and the long day that follows. Without the people I can turn to I am stuck in my own head and unable to get past it. I don't have the comfort that comes with arriving home to familiar faces and an easy routine of asking what to make for dinner and hearing only one word in response. As aggravating as that was, I could count on it. Like a song I've heard too many times, I know the beat and exactly when the tempo changes. I can follow something like that.
I need to learn this new song. I am impatient, but that is what comes with a situation that doesn't make sense.
riding west towards the good surfing beaches
Devin thought this was worth your time
<< Home